Monthly Archives: August 2011

late night ramblings.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be initiating.  I want to be the kind of person who starts conversations, and relationships, and other things that have to be started…but really. That’s what Jesus does for us. He doesn’t wait for us to come to him–rather, he chases after us with a fierce and relentless love, knowing that we need to be pursued.  I want to know how to love and pursue people like that. Selflessly, unconditionally, passionately. Yeah, people will think I’m crazy at times. But they already often think that, so it’s not like that will be anything new…I want the people that I minister to and interact with on a daily basis to know so clearly who Jesus is and what he stands for.

Mother Teresa (I always call her Mama T in my head because I once read a book in which she was called that. Somehow I don’t think it gives her the full respect she deserves, but I’m still thinking about that one.) once said “Following Jesus is simple, but it isn’t easy.  Love until it hurts, and then love some more.” And oh man, am I ever learning what it means to love until it hurts!  There was a little boy here awhile ago who followed me everywhere. He would sit by me in chapel, come into my office all the time, try to hold my hand (real casually), and so on. His mom is a single mom, my age, with three other kids.  She just didn’t have the time or energy or resources to love her kids well, so they looked for affection from anyone they came into contact with. It broke my heart, but I realized what an opportunity there was to show Jesus to these kids.  I was able to tell the little guy, “Hey. You know I love you, right? Well…I know this guy named Jesus who loves you way more than I ever could.” And really, sometimes that’s all we can do–just tell people that they’re loved, and then follow through with our actions.

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totally normal.

In the middle of our parking lot, there’s a fairly large circle of asphalt that’s a little more settled than the rest.  I usually think nothing of it, and, in fact, didn’t even really notice it was there until it was pointed out to me. So I walk across the parking lot normally…then, one day I end up walking back to my office with a woman staying in one of our dorm rooms (I have no idea why we call them that…but they’re rooms for single women) and she goes out of her way to avoid the circle. We’re in the middle of a conversation, so I follow her lead, trying to decide whether or not  to ask about her path choice when this conversation takes place:

her: So he’s going to propose probably sometime next…I wonder when that’s going to cave in…

me: Umm. Sorry, what? (Since this incident, I’ve gotten way better at following tangents, just fyi)

and finally, her again: You know, the sinkhole. I always avoid it because I don’t want to be the one trapped down there when it finally gives way.

And then she proceeds to tell me about why I should avoid it, too. When I don’t, she calls out reminders to me, as though I’m going to forget something like a seemingly bottomless pit that she’s convinced someone is going to die in one day. For the record, no one’s fallen in yet…