Some of you may remember from an earlier post that a woman once threatened to call the President and tell him about me. I have yet to hear from him, but she has been back here several times since then, including this morning.
At around 10, my office phone rang. I answered with my best professional voice, and the guy on the other end said, “Jessica? I need to see you for a minute over in the Hub.”
This was concerning for several reasons. One, I rarely get called to the Hub (Basically the main entryway. Everyone has to pass through there to get to anything else) on Sundays. Two, he didn’t tell me why I was needed, which usually means it’s kind of an emergency.
For some reason, it is generally the case that the amount of information I’m given is inversely proportional (I’m using that term for the sole purpose of making my father, a math teacher, proud) to the seriousness of any given situation. I get all the details when someone just needs a bathroom unlocked, but if there was a person waving a machete around, I’d probably just get a “hey, come here” call.
Hence, my alarm.
I hesitantly made my way over, having no idea what I was about to walk into. I was directed to the front entryway, where a woman (The woman previously mentioned.) had seized control of an entire picnic table and was yelling and swearing at anyone who went near her. At this point in time, I felt as though every single person in the area stopped what they were doing to turn and look at me. Like they wanted to know what I was going to do about the unfolding drama.
What I wanted to do was turn around and go back to my office. That didn’t seem like the best idea, however, so I decided to take a more direct approach. I have found that, when about to enter into a confrontation, it is best to appear as though I’ve stumbled upon it by accident. So I walked past her.
After a couple steps, I turned around as though I had finally realized who I had just walked by, and feigned surprise that she was there. “Oh, hey! Haven’t seen you in awhile, how are you doing?”
She bought it. She was so taken aback, in fact, that she stopped ranting momentarily. Just long enough for us to lose our audience (praise the Lord). Now I was stuck, and I had no idea how to even begin to respond to her now rapidly cycling moods. One minute she was weeping, mourning the loss of a child and her “only love”, and the next she was laughing to herself and twisting her mouth into a kind of smile. It was obvious that she was on drugs, and she just seemed so so broken.
I knew I couldn’t just leave, but I had no idea what to say. So I didn’t say anything.
Mother Teresa once said, “Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.”
And that’s what I did. I stood there and listened to her. I listened to her tell me that she didn’t want me to kick her off the property, that she knew she had messed up, that she had nothing left, that all she had wanted was to be loved. She talked herself into a frenzy, and then just as quickly talked herself out of it; the whole time I just stood there, silently praying for her, asking Jesus to speak clarity to this girl who had been forced to grow up way too quickly.
After a little bit, she was quiet. She just looked at me like, why are you still here listening to me? And in that one look, I realized that she had somehow been convinced that she was not worth someone else’s time. She had bought into the lie that nobody loved her, that nobody cared enough about her to listen or even just look her in the eye.
I learned something invaluable today: I can’t fix everyone. There are no magic words that I can say to keep people from hurting. Sometimes the most essential thing is just to show people that they are worthy of being listened to, that what they have to say is important.