What happens if you wake up crazy one day?
What happens if you’re living comfortably, thinking that you’ve found the place that you love and the little ministry niche that you fit into perfectly, and all of a sudden it hits you that you can’t do it anymore?
What if you’re surrounded by people who tell you that you’re exactly where you need to be, that you’re making a difference despite what you may think, but you can’t find it in yourself to believe the words they’re speaking to you?
Or what if you spend months losing sleep over scenarios that you can’t control and you spend every waking moment going over and over the mistakes that you made in conversations and you can’t figure out why these things are happening, why life is harder for some people and why there’s not a thing you can do about it no matter how hard you try?
I guess if someone were in that place and desperately wanted to remain alone there, they’d probably write safe things that resolved themselves in around 500 words, they’d put off questions with answers that satisfied but weren’t entirely truthful, they would push truth away in order to maintain a semblance of sanity.
And then they’d quit their job–the place they thought they just might stay for the rest of their life–and end relationships and move 227 miles north in the hopes that there might be more clarity somewhere else.
That’s exactly what I did.
I recently read something that a guy named Paul E. Miller wrote, and it said this: “The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness. Come overwhelmed with life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy.”
Meaning that we don’t have to have it together to spend time with Jesus. He wants us to come to him as we are–be that exhausted, overwhelmed, distracted, or a combination of the three. It’s in those places of feeling less-than that we let him work best; often it isn’t until we’re at the end of our proverbial rope that we even begin to ask for help. After all, we’ve been taught (subconsciously or not) that we must be self-sufficient–if we’re struggling, it’s because we’re not doing enough.
Here’s the thing, though…that’s just not true.
So what have I been learning these last few months? Too much to say in this post, but I’ll begin to break it down over these next few weeks and months as I continue to process what my life is now.
Know this, though: our God is a faithful one. Within two weeks of moving, I had a new place to live with pretty fantastic roommates, a job working with crazy teenagers, and an overwhelming sense of relative security.
And really, while I’m not “on a mission at the Mission” anymore, I’m still very much on a mission. My kids here need to know about Jesus just as much as my kids in Yakima did. And I’m going to keep sharing him with them, and sharing the stories of what that’s like with all of you.